Thursday, July 25, 2013

Pharma Form Rejection Letter

Month, Day, 20__

Dear (Dr. / Mr. / Ms.) __________________

Thank you for your recent application, which we received (circle: 1 month / 6 months / >1 year) ago. We have reviewed your qualifications* against all current openings.

Unfortunately, we're literally swimming in resumes we have identified a candidate with skills that more closely match** our current wants needs.

Your information will remain on-file with our company buried in an old cardboard box for future consideration. We will contact you*** if something matching your experience opens up.

MegaPharmaCorp HR****

* Seriously, a black-belt martial artist / skydiver with 30 first-author pubs? How are you unemployed?
**Read: The internal person we were going to hire all along. After all, we trained 'em for this.
***No we won't. We never do. But we think this sounds reassuring, so we leave it in.
****Our motto: Faceless, nameless, blameless.


  1. Oh yeah. I remember getting *postcards* from places I sent my resume to, promising me they'd keep it on file. On file means in a box stored deep in the bowels of Iron Mountain. Which is an actual mountain - did you know that?

  2. Reminds me of this 'personal' letter to a fan from Steve Martin:

  3. Does any company acknowledge job applicants anymore? This post seems quaintly out of date.