Saturday, January 5, 2013

WWWTP? "Unjunked" Candy

While shopping in Target (Tar-ZHAY) earlier tonight, some food in eye-popping purple & black wrappers caught my eye. UNREAL markets so-called "unjunked" candy, which contains "no corn syrup, GMOs, or artificial flavors." Naturally, I bought one ($0.89, not too shabby) and I can report that it tasted just like the intended Snickers bar facsimile.

But here's the rub: a list on the back (see picture) proudly displays corporate commitment to "chemical-free" - by transforming a bunch of scientific adjectives into pseudo-plural nouns. What, may I ask, is a single "hydrogenated?" Would you say "No Crafts" if your fridge were devoid of craft beer?

The 'organic' ingredients they've constructed the candy from include:
Milk chocolate (cane sugar, chocolate, cocoa butter, milk powder, organic blue agave inulin, skim milk, soy lecithin, vanilla extract), caramel (tapioca syrup, cane sugar, fructan (prebiotic fiber), organic palm kernel oil, whey, milk protein concentrate, organic cream, vanilla extract, salt, soy lecithin), peanuts, tapioca syrup, cane sugar, organic palm kernel oil, skim milk, peanut flour, salt, hydrolyzed milk protein, evaporated cane syrup, soy lecithin
Inulin? Fructan? New to me. Turns out both are fructose-based dietary fibers, which in this context replace some of the fats and sugars found in similar candy bars. However, these soluble fibers often aren't well-tolerated intestinally, similar to known gut troublemakers sorbitol, maltitol, or lactose. My current stomach ache indicates I might be susceptible; please think on my sacrifice when the Pulitzers go out next year...

P.S. I'm no marketing whiz, but "Unreal?" If unable = not able, and unclear = not clear, doesn't 'unreal' = not real? For a candy bar made without "artificial" ingredients? I think the intended sarcasm might be lost on the way to the checkout.

7 comments:

  1. I like prebiotic fiber. I want in my diet nothing but those ancient mineral fibers that formed before life took hold on this planet. And if I ever have to ingest chemicals, I will allow only organic chemicals into my body

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    1. I like that reply
      that is a nice reply.

      >/donkey.jpg

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  2. Are you sure it was prebiotic and not probiotic fiber? Because if it's prebiotic I share milkshake's sentiment; nothing to bulk up a morning smoothie like good old clay.

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    1. I absolutely promise it read "prebiotic." It's actually a health food term, coined in the past 20 years: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prebiotic_(nutrition) #TheMoreYouKnow

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    2. Sigh. #TheMoreYouKnowTheMoreYouWeep

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  3. Mmm...a Kaopectate milkshake!

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