For Immediate Release
Grand Rapids, MI: Troublesome chemical reactions? Try adding a pinch of...anything.
Reporting today in the journal ACS Catalysis, researchers have discovered that every chemical element or molecular mixture catalyzes reactions when present in trace quantities. "As I've told all my students, catalytic inspiration + 10 equivalents perspiration produces beautiful molecules," remarked Scripps Professor Phil Baran. "I just never mentioned that I used drops of actual sweat!"
"Brilliant!" remarked Stuart Cantrill, Chief Editor of Nature Chemistry. "Chemists were always running reactions in beer and coffee, mostly to show off. The trick now will be discovering which obscure thing goes into what reaction."
"Indeed," remarked Chemistry World's Neil Withers.
As shown by the graphic abstract (above), scientists at the forefront of catalytic research often try just about anything they can get their hands on. "I wouldn't have believed it, myself, but the data convinced me," commented celebrated catalysis scion John Hartwig. "Our lab has already added ppm quantities of dryer lint, nose hairs, and soy sauce to asymmetric Ir allylations, with fantastic yields and high ee."
N.B. - Calls to Dow and DuPont were not returned by press time
Note to the humorless: This is fake. Happy April Fools' Day. Please don't sue me.