Friday Fun: Breakfast Chemistry

Should we tell her we don't 
call it that anymore?!? 
Source: Hunie.com | Laura P.

Dr. LKB, beloved chemist of the Twittersphere, just passed along a chemophobic gem from Grist. Titled "Honest junk food advertisements show you what kind of crap you're really eating" - no [sic], that's really how it reads - the post points out recent work by a Silicon Valley-based graphic designer who's equated various GRAS food additives with a vast industrial chemical conspiracy. Here's a sample:

Each "honest ad" gets a bonus eye-opening disclaimer at the bottom, revealing, gadzooks! - snippets cribbed directly from respective Wikipedia pages.

Well, two can play this game! Let me tell you about my standard breakfast...

Every morning, I go downstairs to brew up a harsh brown slurry of stimulants, sterols, and terpenes (I usually take it with some aspartame / maltodextrin, thanks!). 

When my stomach grumbles, I reach for a 6-pack of whole wheat toroids, chock-full of gums, algin, sorbic acid, and sodium chloride. After 50 seconds of resistor-charring, I spread microbially-enhanced whey-milkfat composite all over it, ideally while it's still warm. 

Sometimes I'll wash this all down with a fiber-filled suspension of cellulose oligomers, ascorbic acid, and fructose. Yum!

[Sigh]. Chemists, how do you do mornings?