WWWTP? Palmolive Edition

I happened upon this bottle in the store yesterday, and found the marketing statement quite curious:

Now wait just a minute...what does that even mean? Does a human contain "no unnecessary cells," or a delicious meal "no unnecessary ingredients?" Perhaps this is the Strunkian ideal* of chemophobic marketing:

"A sentence should contain no unnecessary words, a paragraph no unnecessary sentences, for the same reason that a drawing should have no unnecessary lines and a machine no unnecessary parts."   - Strunk and White, The Elements of Style

So, what 'necessary' chemicals does Palmolive Free & Clear contain?

Source: Colgate-Palmolive 

So we have foaming agents, detergents, thickeners, stabilizers, fragrances, dyes, and water - a.k.a. every ingredient present in most dish soaps! 

This feels like Kraft Mac & Cheese redux. Please understand that I'm not against informed consumer choice, and I certainly support labeling transparency** and product safety. But this marketing slogan is at best meaningless, and at worst drags popular punching bag "chemicals" through the mud. Again.

At least it can wash off with Palmolive Pure + Clear - Contains Necessary Chemicals.

*Except, of course, that the authors of this dish soap piece seem to have omitted a verb.
**Next up: Chemplex (TM) brand butyllithium: Contains 95% random C-Li bonds (and fragrance!)

Friday Fun: Synthetic Frontiers

Over time, you collect a lot of books about chemistry. Books piling on books, spilling off the shelves.

I flipped through three of them today, and recorded one short passage from each. Can you guess the texts?
(P.S. In the spirit of giving everyone a chance at it, email me with your answers, and I'll congratulate anyone who gets all three here on the blog)

Entry 1: 19 seconds
Entry 2: 16 seconds
Entry 3: 17 seconds

Happy Friday, Everyone!

SAO

Friday Fun: Say Cheese!

What's happened to chemistry group pictures?

Back in my Stone-Age grad school days, everyone hated taking the annual group picture. I had to harp, cajole, twist arms, and generally push my entire group out the door yearly just so we could record ourselves for posterity. 

Perhaps it was the poor resolution of the 35-mm film, or certain scientists' natural aversion to daily showering and grooming? I'll never know.

Well, good-by old, disposable cameras, and hello Photoshop:

(Inspired by Twilight movie poster)

This gem, from the McIntosh group at U. Arkansas, obviously took some time and effort! 

Or how about the latest from the M.C. White group at Illinois?

I did not know that the Terminator and Chuck Norris worked in synthetic chemistry!

OK, if production-quality pictures aren't your thing, how about something more...subtle?

Like an all-plaid group shot, perhaps?

 (Thanks, Reisman group!)

Maybe you're reading this thinking "What a giant waste of time!" Well, maybe it's not advancing the science, but I'm sure it's really fun to be a part of, and helps morale during a long lab campaign.

Readers, I'm only really familiar with synthetic groups...anyone else take wacky group pictures?

Let me know in the Comments!

Update, 7/25/13 - Lots of people writing in! Here's some more excellent pics...

The "Usain Bolt" pose. Turnbull / Webb labs, U. Leeds, UK (Thanks, Tom / Mike!)

Wolczanski Group, Cornell (thanks, Anon)

Gamelin Group, U. Washington-Seattle (thanks, Anon)

The "1908" picture, Johnson Lab, Yale, 2008 (thanks, Jenny!)

Update 7/26/13:

Boone Lab, U. Toronto (thanks, Ben!)

Chaplin Group, U. Warwick (thanks, Dr. Jess!)

Spelling "OHIO" with the Mattson group, OSU

The Jungwirth Group harks back to the Roaring '80s

More to come...Stay tuned!

Pharma Form Rejection Letter

MegaPharmaCorp
Month, Day, 20__

Dear (Dr. / Mr. / Ms.) __________________

Thank you for your recent application, which we received (circle: 1 month / 6 months / >1 year) ago. We have reviewed your qualifications* against all current openings.

Unfortunately, we're literally swimming in resumes we have identified a candidate with skills that more closely match** our current wants needs.

Your information will remain on-file with our company buried in an old cardboard box for future consideration. We will contact you*** if something matching your experience opens up.

Sincerely,

MegaPharmaCorp HR****

* Seriously, a black-belt martial artist / skydiver with 30 first-author pubs? How are you unemployed?
**Read: The internal person we were going to hire all along. After all, we trained 'em for this.
***No we won't. We never do. But we think this sounds reassuring, so we leave it in.
****Our motto: Faceless, nameless, blameless.

Free T-Shirts? Count Me IN.

ChemDraw, the chemistry drawing software I've used since forever, is currently sponsoring an online contest for ACS Indy T-Shirt designs. Being a sucker for 1) contests, and 2) goofing around in ChemDraw, I had to enter. Not just once, but twice!

With apologies to Beyonce

With apologies to Disney.

Friday Fun: 'Average' Chemistry Work Week?

Looking through the most recent Bureau of Labor Statistics Employment Situation document, I came across an interesting paragraph describing "average" work weeks for American employees (emphasis mine):

The average workweek for all employees on private nonfarm payrolls was
unchanged in June at 34.5 hours. In manufacturing, the workweek
increased by 0.1 hour to 40.9 hours, and overtime was unchanged at 3.3
hours. The average workweek for production and nonsupervisory
employees on private nonfarm payrolls was unchanged at 33.7 hours.

Now, I understand that these totals may be skewed down by a variety of factors (furloughs, part-time work, medical leave, etc), but don't those totals still seem low to anyone? Especially viewed through the lens of a lab scientist - I'm pretty sure we fit under "private nonfarm," but most of us don't work those hours!

The three totals average out to ~36 hours / week.

Let's Play a Game: Write in, and tell me when you finish your "average" work week. For context, please provide a general job description and industry. For example:

See Arr Oh - Ph.D. chemist at a small biotech company. Thursday morning.

(That's my generic position, industry, and the point in the work week where I reach 36 hours.)

I'm very curious to see how the totals change among jobs* and between industries. Looking forward to your submissions!

Happy (?) Friday,
SAO

*Educated Guess: Betcha most grad students get to 36 hours by Wednesday. (sigh)

Friday Fun: Meet Ginkgo Bioworks

This recruiting video for Ginkgo Bioworks* made the rounds a few years back, but some avid Twitter fans want me to re-post it, since Ginkgo seems to have some very interesting job descriptions on their Careers page (seriously, read the whole thing...)

I must admit, I love the cheesy public-domain elevator Muzak paired with the stereotypical 1950s fashion sense: girls in long skirts, guys in slacks and bow-ties. There's some cute site gags (DNA sequencing by typewriter) and cultural taboos (smoking at the bench!). 

It looks like they had a lot of fun making this video. Enjoy it . . .and maybe apply for a job!

Happy Friday,

SAO

*Despite my earlier misgivings, it seems they're a real company, based on the Boston waterfront.